that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
