I bet he comes in French.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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