Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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