I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
