college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
