just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm bleeding and have questions
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
