You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
