I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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