Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
