So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
