Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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