Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
