thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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