Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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