I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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