I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
