Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
