I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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