Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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