Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
