Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
