Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
