We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
