He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
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We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
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I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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