and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
