Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
