True but thats because hes a fetus.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
false alarm, still single
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