I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
