You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
