12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
