you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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