I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Sober January is a disaster.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
