Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
