u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
