We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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