This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
