fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
