are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
