You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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