The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
