WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
