Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
