Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
