my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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