She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
