im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
