i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
