Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
