Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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