I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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