there's paper in my vomit.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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