apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
