i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize