I hate your face
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
