Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
