I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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