we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
