Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
