Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
