I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
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I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
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you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE