When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
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you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye