I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
