the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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