i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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