I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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