first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
