I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
