hell yes lets make some ravioli
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
