I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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