i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
