i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
