he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
