Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
