He uses pillows to masturbate.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
