the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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