I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
